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It's not without a little bit of a pause that one decides to hand in their notice after 7 years.  These days people look a little askance at someone whose résumé has such long tenure with one employer, however, they're usually assuming someone is unambitious and unmotivated towards brighter and bigger things; they're not seeing the bigger picture of just to whom it is this servant has been in service.

I was asked publicly early on in my time on staff to define why I loved working here and the answer has never changed.  I love serving an eternal purpose not a temporal one.  I love that people are the bottom line, not the usual bottom line of profit and loss.  Our profit is the extraordinary community of people who have gathered around the One extraordinary person of Jesus, and I will never be sorry to have given so much time for such a place.  But places and people change, I've changed and I owe much of that to this place, to the people who have been around my world in this time.  I've not only walked through pleasant and peaceful ground but also water and fire, and in all of it I've  grown, developed, overcome and achieved things I'd never have imagined possible. I've studied, learned, taught, loved, lost, lived and experienced. The value of that is immeasurable and all in all, it has been marvellous. 

Now, I have other things to learn, others to teach, and new avenues to pursue so I think it's time.  Seven; the number of completion.  Seven years, the perfect time to leave. [Note: I found out in discussion today with our Payroll clerk that in fact, this speech was actually delivered on my 7th anniversary! Wild!]

It is with grateful thanks that I acknowledge Pastors ____ and _____ for their faith in me and the extraordinary opportunities I have had to work along side them to serve their vision; The Captain, Fish and The Great Dane, who have been the most encouraging and supportive team to work with; they'd probably say long suffering too if they were asked... Crabman and Mrs Crabman for whom there are not enough words to express my gratitude for all their love and support over some of that rocky ground. P.I.A, pastor, friend and shoulder on more than one occasion!  Dixie whose spontaneous appearances at my window caused occasional heart stoppage but were always welcome. Cove a constant friend in all those years and OzLoz a new one! Finally, Daddyof3 with whom I worked closely in those early years and who STILL rings me up for occasional help with his computer...  These people are gold.  There'll be no other team like you anywhere, and you and all the others of you who have gone unmentioned are the reason I will always look back at this time with love and immense gratitude.

Above all of this, I wish to thank God that his purpose for both me, and this place, was worked out in my being here for the last seven years.  He has sustained, encouraged, and moulded me through my time, and to you who remain, particularly those whose tenure is just beginning, allow Him to do the same and you too will surely fly.

I know you guys don't keep coming back for the 'religious' posts, so I keep them to a minimum.  I try not to work out my faith on the blog, it's bad enough that you all think I'm a crazy cat lady, let alone a religious zealot...

I guess I've been around a few blogs written by Christians, and I have to be honest, some of them are sweet, schmaltzy, 'pie in the sky when you die' kinds of blogs.  Guess I'm not that kind of a Christian - or blogger... I also wonder whether they're genuine or if they're putting on a brave face for non churchy types.  A kind of 'throwing out the welcome mat' or 'hey, Jesus makes your life brighter' advertiser.

I'm afraid the whole Jesus thing isn't actually an innoculation against 'shit happening'.  Would be nice - it's also true to say that working for the church isn't necessarily a sweeter option than working in a secular workplace.  Mate, people are people wherever you go, they do stupid stuff, and they get it wrong both in church and out.  So it begs the question, why believe in all this stuff anyway?  I mean, what difference does it make if people behave no better for it in the end?

That's a question that makes this post different than my orignal intent actually, but I'll follow the muse... it's worth answering, for my own benefit more than yours... so indulge me a little if you will, or flick back to the gratuitious cat photo.

I guess the context of these thoughts has been dissatisfaction at work/church.  I think it's good to get a bit shook up now and again so you don't get complacent about where you are and what you're doing but I have to be honest it feels like crap.  Especially if you're doing what you're doing because of some 'vocation' or 'calling'.  If all the material elements of your world are out of whack it causes you to call the spiritual elements in to question...

Further fuel for the muse is that there are a bunch of people in my world who are struggling, in all sorts of areas.  Real Life isn't matching up to what they want out of it, who they are in it, or how they feel about it.  For some of them I want to shake them and say 'enough is enough'  stop wallowing - bitter and twisted isn't amusing or fun or the real you, the one we love...  you have the tools and the people around you and access to help...  sort it out...

For others I wish I could translate just how much of a difference a 'real-life' authentic experience of a real-loving, alive and powerful God made in my world and why I think it's the beginning of the answer for them. 

And so I come full circle to the potential of a sugary schmaltzy post... which is the complete opposite of the God I know.  He's full fight, balls on the line, down and dirty, dust up kind of a God.  One who'll wade in full force to a situation when he's invited, and while he's that kind of beefy, solid solution he's motivated by love.  His love is so all consuming that we can barely accept it... because our frailties are so embarrassing by comparison with his awesomeness...  However, he snorts in the face of our frailties.  His love covers all of them and more...

Arrgh... as soon as you say that 'L' word there's schmaltz potential... but that's what I'm talking about... this is love that puts on the gloves in defence, one that stands his ground, one that will defend our honour, our courage and who doesn't quail in the face of our own very real weakness.  One who doesn't see real life and go, "here's my magic wand, let all the bad stuff disappear"... instead one who says, "I'm sorry, I know this sucks, but here, hold my hand, we'll go through it together, see that light? See that Hope?  That's me too... we'll get there and at the other end you'll be stronger, better, brighter and braver than you ever thought possible and you'll be able to lead other people along this same path and help them see that light as well."

So here I am, walking out the other side of a pit,  still not sure about work, still not sure about my church and some of the people in it, still not sure we couldn't do things SO much better... but sure of the one thing, the one person that I'm doing all this stuff for, the ONE who really matters.

That's why I bother and it's also why I am wishing I could translate that certainty so my troubled friends could be that sure, that confident, that peaceful and that hopeful for the present and the future too.

The next few weeks are going to be full on. College is nearly over and the degree begun nearly 2 years ago virtually completed... how fast did that go??? All that remains are to compile the data from my survey and mash it up with lots of lovely info about the music industry (and utter adoring love to Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails for sticking it to the record companies once and for all just this week - I'm sure they did it to help me with my research paper)... and top it all off with another 2,500 word essay about culture and art and stuff and I'm all done. A graduand... with a Bachelor of Theology... seriously. I'll be the one you can come to when you need a sermon.... NOT.

Because the degree is offered through a theological university and because theological sorts aren't always met with warmness and approval by bureaucratical sorts the whole Bachelor of Contemporary Arts they're pulling for was knocked back at government accreditation level... so I'll officially be a theologian until the new BCA degree gets its nod and we can deem our BThs in their stead.

Anyway... it's a B and that's v good. (assuming I pass).

In other news, I met with an illustrator this evening who's going to do some sketching for my wee book. You never know what may come of that... exciting stuff.

And, what else?

Very little. Work is...

Sigh.

In utterly pointless other news, rhe cat is delightful and about to turn 1 year old. So help me, if it looks like I might be breaking out the party hats and candles for him get over here and sort me out... that's getting close to crazy cat lady territory...


Books in bold are ones I've read.
Any in bold with an asterisk (*)before them are ones I've tried to read but failed so far.
Books in italics are ones already on my to-read list before today.
Books in normal print are ones I'm not interested in (perhaps some of you can convince me one of these is a must-read!)

1. The DaVinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. The Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According to Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte's Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timoth Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97.White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)


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